Forever In My Heart
by catatran33
Summary: Previous title: MISTAKES. Spin-off from the Ep. "Friends Like These". Michael made a mistake in leaving her once before. Will he chase after Fiona before it's too late?
1. Revelation

**A/N: This story was something I started before the summer finale. And I also had writers block... lol. It's a spinoff from what happened in the Ep. "Friends Like These" :)**

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Michael arrived back at the loft long after the sun went down over the horizon. It had been a horrible day to say the least.

After all the chaos with Strickler and Barry, Michael had had a tough time getting in touch with Fi. Unfortunately, he couldn't talk to Sam or Maddie about it. Michael would have had to explain himself to his mother and Sam would have sat there saying 'I told you so, didn't I, Mikey'. And it bugged the hell out of him that she was ignoring him. However, even though he didn't want to admit it, she had a reason to be upset with him.

He made a mistake. He knew that. He was sorry. But what the hell could he do? He had to protect his loved ones. If getting his job back meant that all his enemies stayed away from his family, then so be it. But Fi didn't understand that. _Can't you see I'm doing this for you?!_, thought Michael.

Michael opened the door to the loft and immediately went over to the kitchen to retrieve a yogurt from the fridge. He paused for a moment. "Ah, what the hell?" said Michael, taking a cold beer from the fridge as well. "It's not like this day can get any crappier."

He walked over to his favorite green leather chair, which had been duct taped back together due to Agent Bly's rampage a while back. It was still his favorite nonetheless. Sinking into the chair, Michael opened the beer and took a long swig of it before he set it down near his feet.

As Michael ate his yogurt lazily, his mind was on overdrive. He wondered how things between him and Fi had come to this—her leaving Miami. When she had told him, he was surprised of course. But he realized that he also felt hurt and betrayed. Fi was the only few people he trusted, and now, she was leaving for Ireland, probably never coming back.

Michael sadly finished up his yogurt and tossed it in the trash from where he sat. Leaning over, he grabbed the cold beer and took another long swig. He just wanted to drown his sorrows. He wanted to forget everything that had happened over the past 48 hours.

_You're a goddamn piece of work._

Fi's angry words haunted him. He did it for the job. There wasn't any other option. _Doesn't she know I'd never hurt her?_, thought Michael. _I'd do anything to keep her from any harm. Anything!_ But even with Michael's adamant apologies, she was still mad at him. And now, she was leaving Miami.

Michael was brought out of his musings by his blackberry. He reached for the phone from the pocket of his slacks and looked at the caller ID before he answered.

"Yeah, Sam?"

"Hey, Mike. Just calling to check up on you and see how you're doing."

"There's nothing to check up on, Sam. I'm fine." Michael took another swig from his beer.

"You sure, Mike? The ways things have been the last couple of days—"

Michael cut him off. "Sam, I'm fine."

"Aw, c'mon, Mike! Don't give me that crap! I know you. These last couple of days have been hell for you. I know—"

A little irritated, Michael tried to interrupt him. "Sam—"

"—you're upset about Fi leaving Miami. And she should! She was right."

"Right about what?!" Michael was angry that his best friend was turning on him. Instead of helping him, Sam was taking Fi's side and giving him a lecture.

"For a super spy, you're not very smart, Mike. What do you think? Your burn notice! You've been after it for so long that now that you've come so close, you'll do _anything_ to get it," said Sam disappointed.

"I'm doing it for you guys, too. If I don't, my enemies will go after the people I love the most. What can I do?!"

"Mikey, we all want you to be happy. We do. But you're not seeing the whole picture here."

"Getting my burn notice lifted and going back to serving my country to keep you guys safe. That's not the big picture?"

"No, it's not. You're only seeing a small part of it. That's why you haven't been able to understand why Fi's leaving Miami."

"What are you saying Sam?"

"I'm saying that the slap you landed on Fi yesterday was the last straw, Mike."

"I'm not following."

"Fi's madly in love with you, Mikey. _I_ can even see that. But you're putting your job in front of everything else that _should _be more important to you."

"Sam? The bottom line, please? I'm tired of avoiding the real issue here." He was frustrated. He didn't need this talk right know.

"The point is she doesn't want you to leave Miami… and her. You did that to her once before back in Ireland. I'm certainly not Fi, but I believe she's doing this to save herself from the hurt. So she's leaving Miami before you have the chance to."

It hit Michael like a ton of bricks. "Sam, I'll call you back."

"Where ya going, Mike?"

"I, uh, need to do something…"

"Could it be something to do with Fi?"

"Maybe…"

"That a boy, Mikey," Sam said. Michael could hear the smile in his voice.

"Sam?"

"Yeah, Mike?"

"Thanks."

"I've always gotcha back, Mike."

Michael hung up and put his phone back in his pocket. He hastily changed from his fancy dress shirt and slacks into a polo shirt and jeans. Once he was finished, he quickly walked out the door into the cool Miami night and ducked into his Charger, intent on setting things straight with Fiona.

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**I have no idea if I'll finish this :/ So, this might just be it... If I get any inspiration, I might... but even if I don't intend to finish it, I'd some feedback :)**


	2. Always

**A/N: Well, I guess I am continuing this story? I haven't been able to see the reviews because something weird is going on with the site. But anyway, thank you for those who have reviewed :) This is the longest chapter I've written for a fan fic lol Ironic that it would happen to my favorite show, huh? xD This chapter is a **_little _**AU, but it should be very cute and very nostalgic :3 And maybe a tear or two? Anyway, enjoy!**

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Fiona roamed around her house, packing, cleaning, and most of all remembering. Everywhere she went, she saw something that reminded her of Michael: a picture from their heydays in Ireland, a gun he'd bought for her birthday, a sweetly drawn picture of her and Michael together by the little boy they had helped a while back.

She stopped in front of a small box that lay on top of all the other boxes that she'd already packed. She slowly lifted it and fingered the lid gently with her fingers. Fiona wiped away the little cover of dust, and proceeded to open it.

She hadn't opened it in years. The last time she had, it had been 10 years ago when she was still in Ireland. This little memento caused her more sadness when she had seen it last. But even now, it caused her heart to ache a little.

Inside the small box were a delicate silver locket and an old letter. Fiona held the locket in her hand, and marveled at the simplicity of it. It wasn't fancy, or overly ornate in detail, but it was precious in its own unique way. Fiona opened it carefully, revealing an inscription and a picture in the interior walls of the locket. Fiona smiled sadly at the picture. The picture was at least 10 years old, taken back in Ireland. It was her and Michael, kissing on a terrace before a beautiful sunset. They were happy and free back then. No worries, no complications. But just as quickly as their romance bloomed, it fell apart.

Fiona didn't know how long she stared at the picture, reminiscing about the days when her life was perfect. _How did all this just fall apart?_ she thought sadly. She knew what happened. Michael's cover was blown and he disappeared. And for her safety, he didn't say goodbye or leave a note, but hoping she'd understand nonetheless. But knowing that didn't make it hurt any less.

Without realizing it, Fiona had started to tear up. Only when a tear trickled out of the corner of her eye, did she realize she was crying. Wiping away her tears, Fiona read the inscription:

_Forever in my heart, my love. Always. ~ M.W._

_Goddamn you, Michael! _She had hoped that Michael would come back for her. But he never did. Although she put up a façade for her friends and family, she was breaking on the inside. She loved Michael, and he left her without even a goodbye. Until Michael got burned, she never thought she'd see him again.

She was bitter, she was angry, and she was hurt. But eventually all that went away as she fell in love with Michael Westen all over again. She didn't know how it happened. It just did. As hard as she tried, she couldn't fight it. The only problem was Michael didn't feel the same way; at least not enough to understand that he was hurting her all over again. If he got his job back, he'd leave her like he had in Ireland. And she wouldn't be able to handle it a second time.

On a whim, she placed the locket around her neck, remembering the first time it was given to her. Michael had placed it around her neck for her, gently kissing the nape of her neck as he finished. He had whispered the exact words within the locket, "Forever in my heart, Fi. Always." She had turned around in his arms to face him, gazing into his dark blue eyes that expressed his undying love for her.

Fiona sadly picked up the old letter from the box. She had found it long after Michael disappeared. It appeared one day when she'd been rummaging through her room, intending to leave Ireland for reasons she couldn't tell her family of. She had found it after she'd dropped several books on the floor. The only indication as to who the letter was to was her name written on the front in a familiar male writing of her name. Reading it, her heart saddened. And she tossed the letter into the same box that she had kept the locket in.

It had read:

_Dear Fiona,_

_If you are reading this, then I'm already gone. I'm writing this with a heavy heart as you sleep peacefully in the other room. I'm hoping you'll never find this letter, but I surmise that it's too late now. If I am still in your life when you find this, you can throw this letter away and forget it ever crossed your path. But I believe that won't be the case._

_Writing this letter isn't easy, for it means that I won't be by your side comforting you, holding you, and most importantly loving you with all my heart. I know I'm a man of few words, but do know that I loved you. You are and always will be in my heart, even if I never have the chance to see you again. You are like no woman I've ever met. You are the __**only one**__ for me. But fate has torn us apart. I can't begin to understand why it would do such a cruel deed, because you are all I ever wanted._

_With the admission that I've just made, I know you must be hurting. And I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to hurt you or leave you. You know me better than anyone, and you need to understand why I had to leave. Whatever the circumstances that led to my departure, I want you to know that I did it for you. Because I love you. I wanted no harm to ever come to you. Because if it ever did, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I know you're as tough as nails, but nonetheless, I was afraid that I'd lose you, if not forever. I rather sacrifice my life to keep you safe from any danger._

_Please understand it was not my intention to leave without a goodbye. It is much of the reason as to why I'm writing this letter in the dead of night without you knowing. I didn't want to leave you without an explanation. I didn't want you to question my love for you. It was real. I never felt as complete or as happy until I was with you. You'll always have my heart, wherever I am. _

_I know I've hurt you. I know you're angry. But please, forgive me. Please, don't try to find me. It's for the best, even though my heart says it's not. _

_When I finish this letter, I'll lay in bed beside you, holding on to you, whispering sweet nothings in your ear. I'll watch you sleep, memorizing every inch of your beautiful form. Until that day comes, when I have to leave, I'll be cherishing every moment that I have with you. Remember I love you, Fi. You'll always be in my thoughts and in my heart… I'm so sorry. Please forgive me._

_Love,_

_Michael_

Fiona silently let the tears run down her cheeks as she reread the letter again and again until a knock came to her door.

Wiping her eyes she went to the door and composed herself, hoping that she didn't look as sad as she appeared. Upon opening the door, she saw the person of her current despair.

"Michael?"

"Fi," Michael whispered. Did she detect a trace of sadness in his voice? His eyes looked defeated as his gaze traveled from her green gaze, down to the ground.

"What do you want, Michael?" Fi asked, more from frustration and hurt than anything else.

"I, uh…may I come in?" Michael asked, unsure of where he stood with Fiona.

Annoyed, yet somewhat curious, Fi motioned exaggeratedly for him to enter her home. Michael wandered in, and found himself in the living room packed with several cardboard boxes. Michael's eyes saddened. She _was_ really leaving Miami.

"What is it that you want, Michael?" Fi crossed her arms across her chest, irritated that Michael had come to her home. They had all the time in the world to talk, and now it finally came to a crossroads.

"I… I wanted to talk," he said hesitantly.

"We have nothing to talk about, Michael."

"Yes, we do, Fi." His voice raised a little and more certain.

"And what is that exactly?" Fi was angry, not only at Michael, but at herself for loving him so much.

"Us," Michael said softly. His gaze then dropped to her slender neck and saw the silver locket. He remembered that locket, but he couldn't quite place it.

"There is no 'us', Michael."

"Fi—"

Fi cut him off. "Michael, we had our chance." She walked around the living room, touching things here and there to keep her hands busy. "And we failed to make it work. I'll always be there for you, Michael, but…," she trailed off.

"But what, Fi?"

Facing Michael, she lifted her gaze. Her green eyes were full of regret and despair, but there was a hint of hope in them as well. Letting out a shaky sigh, she continued, "You have different priorities, Michael. And I can't live here knowing that one day...," she said sadly as her words trailed off. "Anyway, I'm leaving for Ireland and—"

Suddenly, Michael realized where he'd seen that locket before. It was so long ago, deep in his memory. Lost in his past.

Michael looked at Fi, her back toward him as she talked softly. But he could sense that she wasn't really there. She was thinking, remembering.

Slowly and silently, Michael walked up to Fi and closed the distance between them. He stood directly behind her marveling at the chain of the locket around her neck. _She kept it after all these years, _Michael thought with a small smile. _That has to mean something, doesn't it?_

Michael raised his right hand to her neck and traced the thin silver chain, wondering if their past could be their future. Initially, she tensed at his soft touch, but he later heard a sad sigh as she relaxed her shoulders. "I remember, Fi. I remember this locket."

Fi didn't turn around. She wasn't sure she could face him yet. Softly she said, "You gave it to me in—"

"—Ireland 10 years ago. We were walking home from a night out at the local pub, hand in hand, laughing as we went along for no reason." Michael continued to trace the locket's chain, sweeping his fingers gently across it. He felt himself slipped from reality and into his memory as he continued softly, "I stopped you, telling you to close your eyes. You obliged, with a little reluctance as I recall." A small smile crept onto his face. "And I placed the locket around your neck as I whispered the exact words in the locket: 'Forever in my heart, my love—'"

"Always," she finished in a hoarse whisper. As Michael had voiced the memory they had shared so long ago, Fi had began to cry silently. It was one of many memories that she'd never forget. But it was a past they could never get back. A past that forced them apart.

"Always," repeated Michael softly against her skin. And before he could comprehend what he was saying, "And you still are." Michael gently caressed her shoulders and ran them down to her forearms, wondering if Fi still felt the same.

"Michael," Fi pleaded. "You're making this harder on yourself. Please, just—"

Michael turned her around, seeing the tears that she'd been trying to conceal. His own heart broke at Fi's tears, knowing full well that he had caused them. He lifted his hand in an attempt to wipe away the tears. "Fi, don't—"

"Just go, Michael. Please," she cried, flinging her arms in order to get away. She tried to flee, but Michael was quicker; he grabbed her wrist before she even had the chance to move far enough away.

"No." Michael was determined to get to the bottom of this. He realized now what he hadn't realized before, and he wasn't going to give her up without a fight. "I'm not leaving, Fi."

"Don't make a promise you can't keep, Michael," Fi retorted back angrily. "You may say that now. But when the time comes, when your burn notice is lifted, you'll be running as far away as you can from Miami." Fi tugged on her arm, but to no avail.

"Fi, listen to me," Michael said as he shook her arm to get her attention. He couldn't just let her go. He was desperate. If she went home, he wouldn't know what to do. He couldn't live in Miami without Fi. His Fiona.

Letting go of her arm, he took her face in his hands. Staring into her hurt filled eyes, Michael's own eyes started to glaze over. He loved this woman. He always had. And he was so close in letting her slip through his fingers again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Fi." She pushed at his shoulders, trying to get away. "Don't go. Don't go back to Ireland." Michael gently stroked her hair, hoping and wishing she would. In a final attempt, he hugged her close, letting a tear trickle from the corner of his eye. "Stay, Fi. Stay with me."

Fi had wanted to hear those words for so long. But she knew in her heart that Michael would one day leave. She didn't want to rehash a painful part of her past. She didn't want to face the pain a second time.

"I can't, Michael. I can't!" She fled out of his grasp and ran out the door, leaving Michael to damn fate in a cold, empty house in the middle of the Miami night.

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**TBC...**

**Well, who liked the letter and the locket? :) I know Fiona's more of a trigger happy girl, but she still is a **_woman _**at heart! lol. So, that maybe a little off character, but whatever :P lol. So the question is, will Michael chase after her? Hmm.... ;)**


	3. Night of Questions

**A/N: Mostly Michael's perspective. Get a little info on his past (made up to explain certain things and why he'd done what he had). Basically, I tried to get into his head on this one. So, enjoy!**

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Michael didn't move. He was certainly stunned. He was sure she'd stay with him. He knew that she felt the same for him as he did for her. Or maybe… _Maybe I was just kidding myself_, he thought sadly.

Disappointed, Michael roamed the house, trying to clear his head and sort his thoughts. He wandered aimlessly and eventually ventured back to the living room. However, he now noticed a well-worn letter next to an open box. Not realizing what it was, Michael picked it up and read its contents. As he read, he realized it was the same letter he had written so long ago, in a time where everything seemed right in the world.

Michael chuckled humorlessly. He was a different man back then—a carefree, adventurous man with nothing to tie him down. Until Fiona came along. Michael tried. He tried so hard not to get emotionally involved, but his efforts were ultimately futile. He fell in love…hard. Back then, his emotions were more open. Back then, he was more affectionate. Back then, he was more of a gentleman. More of a romantic. Michael sighed heavily. He'd changed so much since then. He wanted to be that same man, but he wasn't. He was colder, more closed off. He was no longer than man that made romantic gestures just because he wanted to. No, the Michael Fiona knew back then was gone. The one she knew now wasn't close to being the Michael of before.

However, Michael had hope, as little as it was. In rare moments, he witnessed the old Michael come forth, like the time he believed Fiona had died in the fire. Or even tonight, when he had asked her to stay with him in Miami. _I guess not all hope is lost_, he thought. _Maybe I can be that same man…_

After reading the letter several times, he placed it back in the box and replaced the lid. Michael lingered though. He didn't know why. Maybe he thought Fiona would return home. Or maybe he just didn't want to leave with a sad memory.

But it was getting late, so Michael decided to head back to the loft to get some rest—although, with a heavy heart.

Upon his arrival, he noticed the light was on, which didn't really surprise him since he usually kept it on anyway. What was different was that the door to the loft was slightly ajar. Grabbing his .45 caliber handgun from the Charger, he made his way quietly up the stairs. Nudging the door open, he surveyed the area with his gun drawn. However, the scene before him wasn't as dangerous as he thought. Actually, to the contrary.

Instead of an intruder, it was Fiona that had crept into his loft and had fallen asleep in his bed, under the covers.

Michael walked over, trying to be as stealthy as possible so he wouldn't wake her. When he was close enough, he knelt beside her. He reached out to brush a strand of hair away from her face. As he caressed her cheek with his finger, he noticed that she had cried herself to sleep, her cheeks stained with dried tears. _Oh, Fi. Why would you do this to yourself?_ Michael continued to gaze lovingly at Fi's sleeping form before he himself succumbed to sleep.

Michael took a quick shower, and returned in only pajama bottoms, leaving his chest bare. Fi hadn't moved. He sat on the opposite side of the bed and removed the covers before sliding in. He wanted to bring Fi close, but he was hesitant, scared that he'd scary Fiona away, if he hadn't already. Instead, he stared at the ceiling, wondering how long it'd be for the ache in his heart to fade away once she was gone. He couldn't see himself living without her now that she was back in his life. But then again, he couldn't be with her. He was scared of commitment. Because if he was involved with her, his enemies would use it to their advantage. But even so, he was already in a deep hole that he couldn't climb out of. At any moment, Fi could be taken away from him. And he couldn't bear the guilt and shame if anything ever happened to her.

He had his job. He had his girl. He had his _life_. But now… everything was in shambles. He lost his job and he wanted it back! He wanted to fulfill that need to help his country in a never ending war between good and evil. But Fiona didn't understand that. She couldn't understand why he wanted his job back so badly. It wasn't because he wanted it back for the sake of having a job. He just wanted to clear his name! He had to rectify the burn notice, because he didn't want to go down as the spy that had committed treason against his own country. He wanted justice. That's all it was. But, in pursuing the burn notice, he was going to lose Fiona. She wasn't going to stick around and watch him do it. He was dancing with the devil, he knew it, but he wanted his life back! But he wondered, was his job really worth getting back? At the expense of losing Fi in the process?

Michael's mind spun in circles as he finally drifted off into a restless sleep. Unbeknownst to him, Michael had shift closer to Fi being pulled by the warmth of the smaller and lithe body beside him. Eventually, he spooned her from behind letting his face rest in the long tresses of her hair. Snuggling closer in his sleep, he wrapped an arm around her waist, and tightened his grip slightly as if to make sure she was really there. She didn't wake up, tired from the turmoil from the last few days and the upcoming days. She only shifted once, but it only brought he closer to Michael as she moved back against his solid chest and moving her hand to cover his own around her waist.

Michael dreamed of Fi that night. He saw they're life together flash before their eyes. And even their future. He saw a ring. He saw a little girl with her mother's green eyes and his black hair. He saw their 20th anniversary. He saw them growing old together. He saw their life.

Fi, too, dreamed of Michael. She saw the same things he did. However, she saw a little boy with his father's blue eyes and her brown hair. She saw their home. She saw their love. She saw them growing older together. She saw the life that they could have.

_But it's just a dream. One that will never come true. One that will always make you think of 'what if'?_

But, although they couldn't be together in real life, they could be together in their dreams… at least, until morning comes around to thrust them back into reality. Come early morning, they'd have to face their problems head on.

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**So, a little explanatin of the old Michael (at least, what I wanted old Michael to be ;) go literary freedom! lol.) If you guys want an explanation as to why Fi went to the loft... I might write a chapter for it. But if you guys just accept it and let it go, then that's okay too lol. And is it sad that I used a Jeffrey Donovan movie reference? lol.**


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